Developing self acceptance in the fitting room…
Jean shopping got you down?
Trying on clothes can bring up all kinds of negative emotions! Why is that?
Maybe you're like me and you unintentionally attach some kind of meaning to the pant size you are...
I remember a pair of jeans I held onto from highschool through college. They were a super skinny brand, and wayyy too tight.
Uncomfortably so.
Sure, I squeezed into them at the beginning of the day, but they were the kind of jeans that didn't "give" at all and I often felt terrible by the end of the day, not only about my body, but about the food that I ate...
which ultimately led to me plotting how I would make up for it with over-exercising the next day.
Why did I torture myself with said jeans?? Because I didn't want to let go of being "that size"!
But at what cost?
Here's what I tried differently on my most recent jean shopping trip...
First, I made sure to choose a selection of styles AND sizes, around the size I thought I was, reminding myself that different brands and styles don't always have consistent sizing and that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me, that's just the way fashion works.
(Also, the size of my jeans doesn't determine the worth of my body!)
Even with this reassurance, I was off to a rocky start...
The first SEVERAL pairs were shockingly too tight. Like, I couldn't even get them over my thighs....
previously, this would have led to ALL kinds of self-criticism and negative thinking, picking apart my body piece by piece...
I would have started planning how I was going to make up for this, with strict eating and exercise...
And finally, I would cry in the dressing room and give up on this silly quest and go home and emotionally eat...
What I did instead was...
*tried the jeans on before looking in the mirror to see how they felt on my body
*reframed any negative thoughts I was having about my body.
IE: My thighs aren't "too big". I love how strong my legs are! They help me lift heavy weights, go for hikes in the beautiful mountains, and take adventures with my husband,
so why am I going to let a number on a pair of jeans mean more to me than all of that?
For me and my clients, it's CRUCIAL to challenge this kind of self critical thinking, remind yourself that your body is not the enemy, and you can find clothes that are comfortable, reflect your sense of style, and fit your current body, no matter what number size it is.
I would also encourage you to ask yourself, "am I comparing myself to another person with a totally different genetic makeup than me who might be in a certain "ideal size" that I have in my head? Or even a previous version of myself?" Is that a fair comparison? Bodies can change, and that is normal!
After working through some of the critical thoughts, I asked my husband to get me the next size up.
OF COURSE, I was tempted to buy the size that felt like the size I “should have been” (ACCORDING TO WHO? ACCORDING TO WHAT though? ) even thought they were a little tight around the stomach...
I thought back to those miserable days in my super skinny high school pants and I went for the bigger size.
Those are the ones that felt best on my current body, and I really like them!
One of my mentors once told me that the fitting room is the place where clothes get to audition to be on my body. The fitting room is not a place where my worthiness as a person is up for debate based on fitting into X size on the clothing rack, or picking apart my body for everything that is wrong with it.
You don't have to love jean shopping, but you can get to a place where you feel confident in your clothes and how you present yourself and be unbothered by the number on the tag.
There is too much of this wonderful life to live to be overly concerned with any of that and you can develop the skills to overcome that negative thinking.
How different would your experience be if you approached clothes shopping this way? I would love to hear your thoughts!
