My Body Image Journey…

If I could talk to 12 year old me now…

I’ve struggled with a negative body image for most of my life…

I remember feeling negatively about how I looked around 11 or 12 years old for the first time, comparing myself to everyone around me including famous pop stars on magazine covers. I felt so uncomfortable and disconnected with myself, I wanted to mostly go unnoticed, and gladly accepted the identity of being shy and introverted (while still desperately wanting attention and acceptance from others).

I was insecure about my crooked teeth and my prominent Italian nose and thick dark hair that grew all over my face and body. I remember in high school, obsessively plucking my eyebrows to oblivion every morning and frying my naturally curly hair with a flat iron trying to achieve the smooth lucious locks of some of my peers. I was flat chested, and still developing, but I also remember “feeling fat”. 

I felt clumsy and uncoordinated so I didn’t play sports, but I did every workout DVD under the sun trying to make sure I didn’t "get any bigger". 

I struggled with my relationship with food because I loved food, but I also was afraid of gaining weight, and would end up eating emotionally which more than made up for any “restriction” I had towards food.

When I looked in the mirror, I picked apart every negative thing I saw. Same when I saw photos of myself. I can BARELY remember having a nice thing to say about myself. I still feel sad about that. 

It has taken a lot longer than I would have liked to realize my self worth has nothing to do with how I look, or what I have to offer as a human being in this world. It has taken time, self compassion, self awareness, many conversations with Jesus, therapy, mentorship, support from others, and intentionality to begin to build a positive perception of myself, my body, improve my relationship with food, broaden my reasons for exercise besides losing weight, evaluating how I want to show up in life and what’s important to me, build confidence, combat negative self talk, feel at peace in my body, and appreciate all that it does for me each day. 

I have not "arrived". I am STILL very much in process with all of this and am working with mentors to continually improve and grow because it is vitally important to me to embody this stuff if I am going to come alongside others through this process too. 

Do I wake up every day completely in love with every part of myself? Far from it, but I can say that life feels a lot more free and fulfilling without negative body image taking up so much mental space day to day.

This work is so important to me, not only for women my age, but for the more mature women I work with who still don't know what self acceptance feels like even in their 50s and 60s, and for young girls who are growing up and look up to us and don’t need to waste years of their life struggling like I and so many others I know did.

So coaching, for me, isn’t just about macros, shrinking your body, and finding the perfect exercise plan. It’s about learning the skills you need to build the life that matters most to you beyond all of that stuff. If that sounds like something you'd like, I am glad you're here.